In the following scenario we will meet Jane. Jane’s mother, Betty, lives in a residential aged care facility and has formed a relationship with another resident, Harold. Jane is not happy about the relationship and wants it to stop.
You may find this topic challenging and confronting. You are advised to discuss the issues raised with someone in your organisation who is trained to offer support and guidance.
My mother is with another man...
Click on the video to watch as Jane tries to explain her concerns to staff.
Think about the following questions.
You may like to discuss them with one or more staff in your workplace:
- Have you ever known of two residents just like Betty and Harold who have formed a relationship in an aged care facility?
- What do you think about Betty and Harold forming a relationship?
- Why do you think Jane got so upset?
- What do think Jane is concerned about?
- If you were the carer in the first scene, how would you have responded to Jane’s concerns?
- How do you think Betty and Harold might feel if they cannot see each other anymore?
- The facility manager did not try very hard at the meeting to persuade Jane to allow this relationship. What else could she have said or done?
Relationships can be challenging...
When staff and families don’t agree, it can be difficult to find a solution. Click on the video to see one possible way this situation could have been handled.
Think about the following questions.
You may like to discuss them with one or more staff in your workplace:
- Do you agree with the facility manager’s decision? Why? Why not?
- How do you think Jane’s threat to involve her solicitor might be affecting the facility manager?
- Do you agree with the carer who thinks that Betty and Harold seem so happy together that it just doesn’t seem right to separate them? Why? Why not?
Working together...
Click on the video to see a different outcome.
Think about the following questions.
You may like to discuss them with one or more staff in your workplace:
- What do you think of the manager involving the care team?
- Do you think that everyone’s rights (Jane, Betty, Harold) have been respected? Why? Why not?
- What do you think has contributed to Jane accepting her mother’s new relationship?
- Imagine that Betty is having a relationship with “Harriet” instead of “Harold”. How would you feel about this?
When you are faced with a situation like the one you have watched, remember:
- It is best to involve trained staff in discussions around sexuality.
- Talking about sexuality can be embarrassing.
- Families may need information and support to help them come to terms with residents’ sexual expression.
- To consider residents’ rights such as the right to privacy (for example, everyone should knock before entering the room).
- To consider the rights of other residents.
- To involve other members of the care team as needed.
- To involve the resident in decision making.
- If the resident is not able to participate in decision making, to ask whether decisions are being made in their best interests.
- Don’t be afraid of tackling a difficult situation!
As always, when communicating:
- Make the time to listen to and discuss concerns without distraction
- Show empathy and understanding
- Be respectful
- Don't dismiss concerns
- Provide any information that may be needed
- Offer a way forward and/or compromise
- Check that the family member has understood any plan of action and is in agreement with it.
BEST PRACTICE TIP
Know the facts about sexuality and older people:
- Sexuality is who we are, not what we do. It is part of being a person.
- Older people may still be interested in expressing their sexuality!
- People living with dementia may still have a need to express their sexuality and may still be capable of forming meaningful relationships.
- Being able to express our sexuality is linked to our well-being and quality of life.
- Expression of sexuality is a basic human right, as long as it does not take anyone else's rights away.
HELPFUL RESOURCES & LINKS
Bauer, M., Fetherstonhaugh, D., Nay, R., Tarzia, L. & Beattie, E (2013). Sexuality Assessment Tool (SexAT) for residential aged care facilities. (Available from the Australian Centre for Evidence Based Aged Care, La Trobe University, Melbourne VIC 3086).
Dementia Training Studies Centres (2013). Sexualities and Dementia Education Resource.
Alzheimer’s Australia (2010). Quality Dementia Care Series 6: Understanding Dementia and Sexuality in Residential Facilities.
International Longevity Centre, UK (2011). The last taboo: A guide to dementia, sexuality, intimacy, and sexual behaviour in care homes.
Royal College of Nursing, UK (2011). Older people in care homes: sex, sexuality and intimate relationships (An RCN discussion and guidance document for the nursing workforce).
You have now concluded this module. Please speak to your manager if you have any further questions or concerns.
